My Plight with Infertility ~ God's Miracle Blessing in my Life

I'd like to share a bit of my past with you if you don't mind.  I recently read a blog post that flooded me with memories. Paintful memories almost 18.5 years ago of me as a young women in my early 30's who desparately wanted to have a baby. Whose only dream as a young girl was to be a mommy.  I never aspired to be a teacher, nurse or doctor...nope I wanted, ever since I can remember, to be just like my Mom...a mommy. 

After 5 years of marriage and 2.5 of trying, we were not pregnant. During this time I had been diagnosed with PCD (Polycystic Disease)...which means when you ovulate its not in a regular way and cysts often grow or burst each month never fully cycling.   This was added to an early diagnosis in my 20's with Microscopic Endometriosis which caused a lot of pain monthly for me and possible infertility.  I was at a low point in my life.

In that 2.5 year period I had a laproscoptic surgery to see what was going on and then awoke finding out I had a cyst on one of my ovaries removed. My Dr. then decided I needed to have a portion of one of my ovaries removed, a wedge resection, it was called.  This was in hopes of shocking my ovaries into working correctly. My surgery was in March of 1990. During that time it was also discovered that my hubby had some issues that needed corrected, as well, which played heavily into our situation.  I was devastated knowing that my dream may never come true of having a child. As GOD often does in my life, I remember hearing a song by *4HIM* call Where there is Faith...these were words of comfort through this difficult time.

(Here's a link to hear this song)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iE0Dh-cogcU

In January 1991, being very emotionally and physically worn out, my hubs and I agreed it was time for me to stay home.  I quit my job of 11 1/2 years in January of 1991. I was NOT pregnant..I needed to rest and to be able to seek possible changes in direction of  my life. I was able to join the women's Bible Study at our church.  I needed to
soak in the truth and rest...

About 4-5 weeks into the Kay Arthor study of the NAMES of GOD, God brought things to a MileStone of sorts for me.  It was the week we studied the Lord of Sabbaoth, or God of Rest. Kay shares  the story of Hannah who was childless, of which I could SOOOOOO relate. Her husband had another wife who had children and it tore Hannah apart. So she went into the Temple to pray out her hearts desires before God. Elijah thought she was drunk...but soon learned differently. And God revealed to him and he told Hannah she would have a child who was Samuel. In our class that day, I vividly remember one of the girls came in a said she just didn't get this week study.  And..for some reason I was prompted to speak up. I opened up and shared my own heart hurts about not being able to concieve. GOD began to use this to bring me to a realization that it is more important to follow what HE wants for me than my own wants and dreams to be fulfilled. I could finally trust him with my future, let go of MY DREAMS, and allow God's Best, whatever that might be.  It was like a LIGHT bulb went on and I could find rest in HIM.  Ilearned that when GOD closes a door in your life he ALWAYS has a better plan. A lesson I have seen him perform  over and over again in my life. 

 I believe with this revelation, it allowed GOD to opened up heavens gates.  You see, within a few weeks of that day when I remember back...God Heard MY  Heart (Hannah)  cry and granted my deepest desire....I was pregant!!!  A TRUE miracle in the medical sense BUT not with my GOD.  When you have 2 people whose medical history make concieving impossible...it made me more aware of how GOD had performed a TRUE miracle in my life. I was humbled and in awe.   Now, I do understand this is not how GOD always chooses to work.  Sometimes he chooses to silence a womb.
  He IS sovereign.
I Praise HIM, because of this in my life,  I have a deeper sensitivity to those who hurt due
to infertility.

GOD has used this MILESTONE in my life in a huge way.  I gained such an insight to what HE wants verses what I want.  It is always so important to keep HIS will, first and foremost.  During my pregnacy I was granted the kind of Peace that passes all understanding. I LOVED being pregnant and was blessed with a *textbook Pregnancy*...that is, until my darling baby decided she was wanted to get an early start in this world!!!

On this Day 18 years ago, my baby girl, MICHAELA Ellen, was born 5 weeks early at 7:45 a.m, on December 10, 1991. A teeny tiny 5# 1oz, 17 inches long preemie. Thriving and ready to meet the world.   She of course, to this momma  was the most beautifully perfect baby ever.

During this time and knowing our history God somehow prepared my heart to know that this would be my first and only pregnancy. I rested in HIS perfect will...and still do about this.  And when in March of 1999 I had to have a complete hystorectomy which ended any further
chances of children...I knew he had a plan.  I will have to share what
he did another time.

 It is with MUCH emotion that I wish my darling baby girl Happy 18th Birthday today.  I am so proud of the fact that GOD choose you to be an intigral part of our lives.  Your fun and sweet spirit shines through daily. You are well on your way of becoming the Godly young woman we have prayed you'd become. Hold fast to your faith as the years go by. GOD will never leave you. He brought you into this world for a special purpose.  I am so excited to see what it is He has for you to do! Next year you will graduate from High School...I cannot believe how fast the time has gone.

With much LOVE...Mom